Reasons Republicans Vote for Trump

How Does He Keep Exceeding Expectations?

Over the last weekend, I spent some time thinking about the many reasons why Republicans keep voting for Donald Trump. I realized that many liberals may not understand the phenomenon; so I thought it might be a good time to highlight some of Trump’s special moments. His MAGA followers have different reasons for their allegiance. Below is a list of just a few reasons I feel will once again cause Republicans to vote for their favorite Mango Mussolini:

  • Missile defense systems go ding, ding, ding,  woosh-boom
  • Being able to pinpoint the importance of the Revolutionary War patriots capturing the airports from the redcoats when the rest of the world missed it.
  • His soaring confidence on daily display. Today, Trump said he was sure to beat Barack Obama this time. Full faith assault.
  • Public faith in Trump’s promise that he is the only one that can prevent World War 2.
  • His fevered commitment to re-institute the search for Hillary’s missing server.
  • His place as undisputed Poster Boy status for the white Christian supremacist movement. He ascended to that position after claiming white supremacists were very fine people at a rally for someone who had been killed by white supremacists. The level of disgust is immeasurable; I guess that’s why his faithful love it.
  • His ability to conceal the purpose of his strange island escapes with kinky Jeffrey Epstein.
  • His standout performance in managing to bankrupt his Atlantic City casino. I have to admit this one took real talent and perseverance and I might add a lot of criminal activity. Go Donald.
  • The little known fact is that if Trump had invested the $480 million he got from daddy back in the 80’s instead of ripping off average folks with fraudulent schemes, he would actually be as wealthy as he now falsely claims he is. So I assume the voting factor here is that he has an amazing talent for spending other people’s money.
  • He must be a great business man and negotiator, his followers argue, wasn’t he sharp enough to convince a judge that he should only have to pay $25 million to settle the Trump University students claims of fraud? Pure genius.
  • Watching the amazing feat of converting his original White House staff and cabinet members (all Republicans) into whistleblowers. Our heads are still spinning over that incredible result.
  • Republicans apparently delight in Trump’s cheap shots and insulting nicknames tossed at those who oppose him or just a powerless person like Ruby Freeman. Laughing at other people is Republican escapism it sounds like.
  • His decision to fire Alexander Vindman’s twin brother Yevgeny from the administration, because he looked like his whistleblowing brother. More praise for the king-god being able to get a two-for-one termination.
  • Having the guts to appear everyday in public in stage makeup.
  • Again, brave enough to face the cameras with open suit jacket unable to conceal his plate of pancakes six pack.
  • Limitless ability to self promote; creating a notorious braggart and self-professed adulterer.
  • Man, woman, TV, elephant.
  • His habit of talking when the helicopter blades are turning.
  • Recognizes friendly admirers in a crowd and has an elevated ability to seek out softball questions.
  • Famous for his golden toilets. I’ve wondered if this isn’t some sort of compensation? Maybe we should ask a Republican what it is about gold toilets that make people think Donald is cool, rather than weird.
  • Staying in the golden touch department. Trump has elevated McDonald’s to White House cuisine
  • Trump is such a Diet Coke fan he had a button installed on his White House desk to order them express. Now, that is ingenious. Maybe I am not showing enough respect for his inventive spirit
  • Trump’s revered place in the WWE pro wrestling Hall of Fame. Certainly a first for an American president. Another first place. They just keep adding up.
  • Back to compensation, according to stormy Daniels Trump has an exceedingly small penis with an peculiar mushroom top. I’m not sure why that would encourage the vote, but in some depths of the Republican Party there is; I’m sure, empathy for the poor man.
  • Managing the news so adroitly that his former “attorney/fixer”, Michael Cohen, was sent to prison for three years for election fraud done for Donald Trump’s benefit.
  • Totally destroying Rudy Giuliani’s reputation in record setting time. One record set of events, after another. Amazing. Go Donald.
  • His immense capacity to hate; especially LGBTQ+ and immigrants that aren’t blue eyed and blonde.
  • Trump’s  ability to call our dead soldiers suckers and the military a failure of liberal “woke-ness” and still get most of the military votes. Astounding, you got this one, Donald.
  • There’s been a lot of discussion of a recent diagnosis of Cranial Rectal Inversion Syndrome, that  may possibly bring out the sympathy vote.
  • MAGA has taken the American flag as a political symbol as if liberals were not patriotic; and boy, oh boy, are the Republicans giddy over that accomplishment.
  • Then there’s his unrestrained enthusiasm at the possibility of shooting migrants as they attempt to cross the border.
  • His ability to demand we build a wall during every recorded speech, without missing one. How does he do it?
  • Pride in Trump’s ability to undercover treatments for COVID; such as exposing the inside of the body to light, or a super quick method of injecting bleach directly into the blood stream. Donald is an amazing research scientist, so ahead of his time.
  • Due to his habit of inflating real estate prices he has topped the list of fraudsters in New York. How does he continue to exceed expectations. It just never stops.
  • He is miles ahead of other former presidents in the felony indictment department, also. Plus there are incalculable civil cases filling the court schedule at an eye-popping speed.
  • So many lawsuits I cannot count them all, is that the Republican version of walking on thin ice, but give him credit he keeps exceeding all expectations
  • We got another Trump first; the only president to attempt to overturn the government by insurrection and refusal to leave office. Startling; may I say, unprecedented. Donald shines like no other.
  • The first president since 1895 that hasn’t known how to drive a car. Zoom, zoom.
  • His continuing reassurance that he is “a very stable genius.”  This one I don’t understand unless the belief comes because of his constant repetition of the  phrase.
  • Trump’s ability to convince people he is as dumb as a rock, or a man with the intellect of a fifth grader, and then slap them down with his impressive genius.

I know I’ve just scratched the surface of all the reasons to vote for Trump but I have reached my 500-word limit and so we will have to continue this in another article.

By David L. Shadrick

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